Dear Friends,
It seems to me, there are a variety of reasons people go along with their own deception, out of misplaced courtesy, fear, to get something, to keep the peace, etc… There are as many reasons as there are people. Every reason is mere justification for not acting, an expedient, so we don’t have to be uncomfortable… but in the end, participating in our own deception always leads to our suffering. So we see that not acting when we should, is like putting money in the bank at high compounded interest, but instead of magnified profits… we receive compounded pain instead. We are “expected” to be willing participants in our own deception all the time. It is a major way psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths manipulate people into self harm. To recognize it is the first step to avoiding it.
In business when we willingly participate in our own deception, we establish the precedent that we will bend, whenever they demand it. This obviously puts the person willing to help his or her deceiver at a strong disadvantage to the person who will not. Insuring that the business transaction will not go smoothly, leave hard feelings, will be a lose/win and will end up being a zero sum gain. Moreover, to go along with being deceived, out of courtesy, is giving courtesy to someone who is being discourteous. This is the opposite of both the golden rule and reciprocal attribution. The Golden Rule has context, if evil is being perpetrated on one, that one is not required to help. If someone openly demands another participate in their own deception, that is attributing the other as subhuman.
In our personal lives participating in our own deception is a way to insure we are never happy, fulfilled or our needs met. This is a manipulation tactic used by narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. They do or say something, then deny saying it. Next they often gaslight and attack you for “remembering it wrong.” Going along is a sure path to misery because you are giving someone without compassion unfair power over you. If it is your spouse, eventually you will be drained and the narcissist will have to turn to someone else for their narcissistic supply, maybe your child. If it is a coworker, you will eventually have to leave that place of employment, unless you can regain control, and if it is in an extended family member, you may have to cut ties with them.
In government, willingly participating in our own deception is a sure path to oppression, tyranny and economic ruin. This is a favorite tactic of governments that intend to become despotic. Solzhenitsyn said it best in his Gulag Archipelago, that lies lead to gulags. In Solzhenitsyn’s mind the lies run throughout society and government. Everyone lies and protects the lie. It isn’t hard to understand that when the people participate in their own deception, by government, they are giving others power over not only their lives, fortunes and children… but of their very thoughts. Once you help someone deceive you, you gain a stake in that deception. It becomes in your perceived interests to not only maintain the lie, but to promote it, so others accompany you in your self deception.
The terms used to describe our participation in our own deception are sand bagging and gaslighting. Gaslighting, where someone tells you reality is not what you see it to be, as a way to manipulate you, or sand bagging, where someone tells you a lie, you both know is a lie, that you are expected to accept out of courtesy. Which is absurd, since a sandbagger is someone who deserves the opposite of courtesy. At every level of observation, allowing ourselves to be sandbagged and gaslighted is a sure path to suffering. That is why a civilized person will call out sandbagging and gaslighting whenever they see it. Not simply to protect ourselves, but to protect society from such pathological behavior, in business, our personal lives and our governments.
Sincerely,
John Pepin
